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 "Elektra" Chris' Review: Elektra: "Those are Tibetan warrior beads. You would have to be the best warrior in your village to earn these." Abby: "Thanks. I got them off eBay." This was supposed to be a spin-off/sequel to one of the only good things that came out of the Ben Affleck vehicle Daredevil. Unfortunately it suffered from some of the same problems that Daredevil did: Poor script, misunderstanding of the characters, poor acting, poor direction. Not to say that the film was a complete waste. The first fifteen minutes are fantastic. It's how the whole movie should have been. Intense martial art scenes, shifty camera work, dark and foreboding... if this had been the end scene of the movie instead of the opener, that alone would have improved the film as a whole. Actually, you probably could watch it backwards and get more out of it... the plot would make about as much sense. Yeah, after the first fifteen minutes... the whole thing goes to hell. The writing is just a mess. Elektra's whole dark and brooding attitude is supposed to stem from the death of her father (as seen in Daredevil). So why do we completely SKIP that portion of it and focus instead on the murder of her mother when she was a child? Even if you forego comic book lore, shouldn't you at least try and compliment the movie that you spun from? Then there is the idea that Elektra, this hired assassin, this dark, gritty character, would get into a tickle fight with a 12 year-old. What's up with that? Elektra is supposed to be this bad-ass that kills people! She's like the female version of the Punisher. Can you see the Punisher succumbing to his maternal instincts and getting all weepy at the end? After that we have the issue of Elektra's enemies. Elektra is a dark, even murderous, character, as such, her foes are generally without the funny little quirks of, say, a Spider-man villain. What do we have? One guy with tattoos that jump off his body (cleverly named... you guessed it... Tattoo!) and Typhoid Mary; a Daredevil character that kills with a kiss. That brings me to another point... when they crammed Mary into this movie (a Daredevil regular) the completely missed even mentioning her split personality, which is what makes her an interesting villain. That, and without the tension between her and Matt Murdock, you have to wonder why they would even choose her. Was it just for the non-sexy, poorly filmed, girl-on-girl kiss? A waste of a good villain, a waste where another foe could have done better. Then there were all the things that were just left unexplained. We have no idea why the ninja that attack Elektra evaporate upon death. Elektra is just suddenly alive, when that would have been a great storyline to follow. No mention of Electra Corp. her father's business. No mention of Daredevil or anything that went on in that movie (which admittedly might have been a good move in order that this new fledgling franchise might stand on it's own.) There are more plot holes and dropped story lines than one movie knows what to do with. Even with all the supernatural goings-on...who believes that Elektra could throw her sai through 6 hedges and hit her target over 100 feet away? I make this suggestion to anyone who wants to listen. When making a comic book movie, try and pick a comic book writer to at least assist in the process. When he makes suggestions, listen to him! It's like the writers and director didn't even have a clue who Elektra was. It was obvious when Raimi did Spider-man that he was a comic book fan. Attention to every detail was made. In Elektra, we see the anti-thesis of Spider-man. We see cast and crew rushing through the film to get their paycheck. Speaking of cast, What...The... Hell??? First we have Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa as Roshi, the head of the Hand. During the whole movie, he sits in a chair. That's right folks, we spend the good money to have Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa in our movie, and then we ask him to sit. What a waste! Then we have Kirsten Prout as Abby Miller. We have such beautiful and talented child actors as we do in Lemony Snickett's: A Series of Unfortunate Events, and we put in this no talent. Sure, she had some nice martial arts moves in a couple of scenes, but nothing that any good actor couldn't have mastered in a couple of weeks. The strongest ability this girl had was her mastery of annoying the audience. She was almost as bad as the girl from The Crow. Poor Jennifer Garner was given practically nothing to work with. The material that she was given was inconsistent to the character and uneven throughout the script. I wouldn't want to assault her acting ability since I've seen her do so well in other films. The thing is, even when there was call for more emotion or a different attitude, she had the same squinty, moist-eyed stare. "Aha, I've just killed all your henchmen, cower before my Stoic gaze!", "Aha, I've just decided to not kill you and, instead protect you! Know that I'm serious by my Stoic gaze!", "Aha, you've just spontaneously kissed me. You can tell my heart is melting by my Stoic gaze!", "Aha, I've just opened a basket of fruit and meticulously arranged the items on the counter. Know that I'm OCD by my Stoic gaze!" For Peter Parker's sake... smile once in a while! Grimace. Lick your lips seductively... SOMETHING! Then there was what I consider a perfect casting choice with Terence Stamp as Stick. Aside from not being written as cruel as I find Stick to be, I think Stamp does an excellent job portraying him within the confines of the script. Everyone else, I really think phoned it in. There were no break-out, scene stealers in this one. Everyone just kind of humped along until the day was through. The CGI was a joke. First off it wasn't needed. Secondly, it was on too tight of a budget. I didn't like the idea of Tattoo when I saw him in the previews, but that they were too cheap to fully render a wolf says a lot about what the producers thought of the film. Ok, I think I'm done ranting about this movie... I'm just going to leave now before I remember some other horrific detail about it. Suffice to say I didn't like it. No, not at all. 5 thumbs-down. 
Jim's Review: When asked about the sorry box-office returns of films starring super-heroines, "Catwoman" producer Denise Di Novi was recently quoted as saying, "America is not ready for a female superhero." She's wrong. America is more than ready. It's hack Hollywood screenwriters who aren't. "Elektra" is the latest film to come from Marvel's WILDLY inconsistent film divison. Unfortunately, in terms of the quality scale, it's more rooming in the cellar with "The Punisher" and "Daredevil" rather than the pentouse with "Spider-Man" and the X-Men. Elektra, the beautiful, red-costumed assassin, is actually a pretty cool character when she appears in comics. Trained in martial arts from a young age, Elektra Natchios is the daughter of a wealthy Greek businessman. Family tragedy combined with a high level of nervous anger cause Elektra to become a reluctant anti-hero...In order to burn off her rage, she decides to channel her fury into the punishment of criminals who she feels deserve her wrath. In the course of her one-woman war on crime, she crosses paths with Matt Murdock (a.k.a. Daredevil) quite frequently, and the two of them discover a mutual respect that eventualy blossoms into affection. Yep. The Elektra of the printed page is pretty spiffy, indeed. Too bad we don't meet her at the theatre. In the film, Elektra (Jennifer Garner) comes of like nothing so much as a spoiled fashionista with an aggrivating hangnail, and wilder mood swings than a PMS clinic's theme-park field trip. When first we meet her, the potential of the character's successful translation to film seems promising. Some nameless, fungibly greasy underworld type sits in a chair in front of a fire, brandy snifter in hand. Whatever he's done is apparently heinous enough to have drawn Elektra's ire, although we never do find out what it is. As his hired security goons watch a series of surveillance monitors, sleazy guy waxes poetic about his impending fate. Despite the bodyguards and cameras, he's resigned himself to the fact that he's going to die tonight at Elektra's hand. He spins a fanciful yarn to nobody in particular (although one bald, uzi-toting thug overhears) about Elektra's seemingly superhuman ability to overcome obstacles, perform superhuman feats, and tenaciously kill the wicked without fear. Sure enough, as he renders his monologue, Elektra systematically dispatches his goons until it's just the two of them. When she finally skewers him with a sai (and a sigh) before he can even jack a round into the chamber of his sidearm, it's as satisfying as it is nebulous. Had the rest of the film continued in as stylish a vein as the prologue, it just may have been watchable. But alas, it is not to be. Because almost immediately after wiping out Sleazy McNastypants, Elektra is paid a visit by her agent, McCabe (Colin Cunningham), who has more work for her to do. I'm gonna give you a second to let that sink in. A killer...An assassin...A highly-trained murderer-for-hire...Has an agent. An agent that gets her work, and takes a percentage. Get used to the absurdity. It doesn't stop there. As I said, McCabe has another job for her. She doesn't want it, but his "You're KILLIN' me baby" attitude (and he may have actually SAID that, but I'm trying like mad to forget), plus the promise of some serious money, force her to reconsider. Elektra is to head to a quiet mansion on an isolated island and await further instruction. Once at the house, Elektra becomes restless, but eventually she meets the ONLY OTHER TWO PEOPLE FOR ON THE ISLAND: Mark, a young single father (Goran Visnjic) and his snotty, unrepentantly shitheaded daughter Abby (Kirsten Prout). Gee, I wonder who her TARGETS are? Still, even though Mark is as wooden as a cigar store Indian, and his daughter makes Veruca Salt look like Pollyanna, it ain't like there's anyone else to hobnob with, so they invite Elektra over for dinner. The day she's set to go, she gets a package in the mail from McCabe. Good heavens! Her targets are ABBY AND MARK! I NEVER saw that coming! As such, Elektra is the only one who's surprised. Still, she's supposed to kill them, and she doesn't ask questions, so she carefully removes her carbon-fiber compound bow from it's eggshell-foam lined bulletproof case, assembles it, then stands on a rock across from their house. Once she has a clear shot, she releases two arrows, which fly through an open window, catching Mark and Abby in their respective throats, killing them instantly. If only... In actuality, this hardened killer...This cold, emotionless assassin...This battle-tested professional murder machine suddenly finds her conscience, and puts down the bow. Why? Who the hell knows? I mean, when she first met Abby, the little brat was attempting to swiftly exit Elektra's rented home carrying with her an Egyptian pendant that we originally saw a young Elektra removing from the neck of her slain mother in a flashback sequence. Don't bother...It doesn't make any more sense even if you continue to think about it. So, Elektra calls McCabe, makes some weak excuse about why she can't complete the job, and preps to leave. However, all that means is that whoever hired Elektra to begin with will just find someone else. So, continuing her no-context streak of spontaneous altruism appropos of absolutely nothing, Elektra decides they are not to die. So, she STAYS on the island, and appoints herself their de facto protector. Why? Don't ask! We never find out! Seriously! Y'know, It's a wonder Elektra gets any work at all. Honestly...If she makes a habit of deciding for herself which of the people she's hired to kill live and which die, and then goes out of her way to protect her intended targets should they fall into the former category, she's not exactly what I'd call "reliable." I mean, when you're hired to kill someone, and then not only NOT kill them, but also stop others from doing it instead, that's prety much exactly the opposite of what you're being asked for. That's like getting hired as a babysitter, then immediately dropping your charges off unsupervised at "Pedophiles and Baby-Killers R Us" as soon as their parents are out of the driveway. When next we see Mark and Abby, their house is being crept up on by two archetypical pseudo-ninja types. But before they can move to strike, Elektra shows up on the porch, and urges Father and Child inside. She dispatches one ninjette before following them in, and the other when he tries to kill them all with a dart gun. Both would-be assassins dissolve into clouds of luminous green smoke once dead. Why? Because they're demons, of course!! Huh? C'mon, Sparky. By now, you should know not to ask questions for which the film provides zero context. Then, when Elektra tells Mark that SHE was originally hired to kill them, he says he knows. He's known all along. And, presumably, that's why he asked her to Christmas dinner with his daughter. Because I know the first thing I'D do if I knew that a contract killer had accepted a price on my head would be to invite him over on a major holiday to break bread with my family. STUPID. The three of them flee the island. After a quick pool-hall confab with her old blind sensei Stick (a wasted Terence Stamp), wedged awkwardly in for no other seeming reason than to remind viewers that this story DOES find its roots in source material greater than itself, Elektra decides that she'll take Abby and Mark to McCabe's house. Because, really...if there's anyplace that's safe, it's at the home of the man apparently listed in the Yellow Pages as her employment agent. Y'know, the place the no-doubt-pissed-off guy who hired Elektra in the first place before she decided that she'd rather protect than kill them has on his speed dial. There she goes thinking again! To his credit, from the moment Elektra shows up in his driveway, McCabe all but tells her what a stark-raving goddamned idiot she is for bringing them there. In doing so, McCabe at least knows that she's all but signed his death warrant. He's smart enough to know just how completely fucked he is. And, as it turns out, he's right. The shadowy clan of ridiculously-named demon/ninja-killers who hired McCabe to hire Elektra to kill Mark and Abby in the first place are a step ahead of her, and show up hot on their heels. There's Stone (Bob Sapp), a large nubian warrior whose skin can stop bullets (but not, it seems, a falling tree), Walking germ farm Typhoid (Natassia Malthe, who only got the part because Kelly Hu didn't want to do two Marvel films in a row where she had to play a taciturn killer with weird fingernails), speedy / teleport-y Kirigi (an embarassed- looking Will Yun Lee), and Tattoo. A guy with...anthropomorphic tattoos. Couldn't he have been "Inky"? Maybe "Needles"? Toss us a bone, here! At oone point, Kirigi calls their names in sequence, seemingly for no other reason than to instruct kids and fanboy geeks as to what action figures the producers would like them to buy. Naturally, the quartet of kung-fu killers dispatches McCabe with a quickness, and continues to pursue Elektra and her hangers-on through the forest brush behind McCabe's rambling country home. Much shitty CGI ensues, as do plenty of horrible leaps-of-faith and moments of extreme convenience. (It's at this point that I feel I should take a parenthetical aside to mention a small detail: "Elektra" the comic book takes place in much the same setting as the "Daredevil" titles it's spun from: The rooftops of New York. So why in the holy hades has most of the action in the celluloid variant of "Elektra" thus far taken place in countryside settings? Once again...Like so much else...Inexplicable. Suffice it to say that Vancouver is cheaper than Manhattan.) After a short scuffle with Kirigi's goons, a genuinely surprising plot twist emerges. Surprising only because, say it with me: It makes no damn sense. Typhoid gets ahold of Elektra, and after a prolonged sequence clearly crammed in simply as an excuse for the director to show two attractive women kissing, plants upon her the dreaded kiss-of-death, that...well...doesn't ever seem to really, um...actually KILL anything but surrounding foliage. But, once Elektra's down for the count, and one of the goons grabs Abby, Abby opens her sleeve and drops out the Mongolian warrior beads she told Elektra she got on eBay, then proceeds to drop the muscle holding her. Again, HUH?!? Turns out Abby is a little martial arts-prodigy herself! Again, no context exists for this. All at once, all thirteen years and 80 pounds of Abby is illogically capable of a metric assload of grade-A butt-kickery. All of this happens just before Stick and his faceless band of good-guy students rappels out of the trees where they'd been dancing, Crouching-Tiger-style, mere moments before. And if you haven't completely given up trying to figure out just what the blue saucy fuck is going on by NOW...Here's your cue. Exit, stage left. What follows is so preposterous and confusing that it doesn't even function as escapism. Abby, it seems is "The Treasure." A neutral female warrior foretold in prophecy (natch) that will supposedly bring balance to some clichéd, ancient war between good and evil. In the past, Elektra may or may not have been The Treasure. Typhoid also. It all just amounts to a lot of stern, weathered old Asian men gibbering convoluted nonsense they'd have you believe is ages-old wisdom. And it seems the Hand (Kirigi's clan) would rather KILL The Treasure than risk her falling in with Stick and the do-goodniks. And, somehow, this eventually involves Elektra having to go back to her vacant childhood home for a final showdown, the same home where we've watched her perpetually flash out-of-context-and-plot back to her mother's murder at the hands of, alternately, a demon, a ninja, or maybe Kirigi. I think I also saw her getting killed by Richard Simmons once, but maybe I was seeing things. It couldn't have been more ludicrous in any case. Trying to follow such sloppy storytelling is headache-inducing at best, and refund-requesting at worst. Like the film, there's just no point. I'm really, really happy I only paid a dollar for this. Even aside from the holier-than-a-cheese-grater plot, "Elektra"s crimes are still numerous. Goran Visnjic is conspicuously absent for most of the second half...But it's forgivable in light of the zero-chemistry romance subplot foisted on him and Garner. The formidable Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa, who kicked bucketloads of booty in "Mortal Kombat", and "Johnny Tsunami" is cast as the head of some nebulous board of Asian men that, It seems, controls the Hand. I'd be surprised if his scenes comprise five cumulative minutes of screen time...during which he does nothing but sit in a chair and issue orders. Cary Tagawa! In an action movie! AND HE SITS IN A GODDAMNED CHAIR THE WHOLE TIME! That's like buying a Ferrari, parking it in the garage, and only using it to listen to the fucking stereo! A little girl gets to go all "Fists of Fury" on some beefy brawnies, but Tagawa's tukus is glued to a La-Z-Boy? Also, if Abby is an assassin-in-training, then why does she spend most of the movie flailing about helplessly instead of defending herself? Her life is in danger a ridiculous amount of times, and she only defends herself when it's convenient for the non-plot. Not to mention that if she were as good as the film eventually reveals her to be, then how'd she allow herself to get spotted by Elektra in the beachhouse in the first place, much less pinned to the wall via a utility knife through the sleeve? In the same sequence, Elektra slips around behind Abby when she tries to run...But Elektra reacts with borderline-incredulity when Kirigi pulls the same trick later. And, hey...If this Elektra is supposed to be the same Elekrta from the Daredevil film...Then why doesn't the actor playing her father in the flashback sequences more closely resemble the actor who played her father in the former film? If they were counting on "Daredevil" fans to remember Garner's slinky, sexy assassin from the previous film, then why count on them not to notice? And speaking of "Daredevil" WHERE'S THE GODDAMN AFFLECK CAMEO?!? He and Garner are DATING, for Chrissakes! It's not like they couldn't find his number! And it's certainly not like he couldn't use the work these days! Why try to make sense of any of it? The filmmakers didn't bother. Also, to put it plainly...Garner stinks. I've liked her in other films...I gave her a performance positive review in "13 Going On 30". She was even not-too-bad with the same role in "Daredevil." And even though I'm not a regular viewer, It's my understanding that she more than pulls off the role of deadly femme fatale in TV's "Alias" But here, she doesn't exactly disprove critics who question her ability to carry a film. She frequently mistakes a furrowed brow for gravitas. She gives line readings that are as dull and colorless as a well-used No.2 pencil. With no forewarning, she'll show a shockingly mushy and inappropriate maternal streak that recedes as quicky as it pops up. A plot point about Elektra's supposed OCD fails because of her lack of attention to it. Her action sequences aren't even convincing. All in all, I just don't buy her in this. Despite Elektra's affinity for the sai blade, Garner just isn't cutting it. The more this film wore on...The farther my eyes rolled back into my head. At one point, I could actually see my brain...but in light of the vapid banality happening on the screen, it was a relief to be seeing something intelligent. Due to the fact that this film gets progressively worse the more you think about it, I'll be giving it two...no, three...Okay, FOUR thumbs down. All right. You win. Five. But that's my final offer.
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